The trial
Defence Attorney: what is your age?
Little old woman: I am 86 years old.
Defence Attorney: will you tell us in your words what happened to you on the 1st April this year?
Little old woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney: did you know him?
Little old woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defence Attorney: what happened after he sat down?
Little old woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney: did you stop him?
Little old woman: No, I didn’t stop him.
Defence Attorney: why not?
Little old woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defence Attorney: what happened next?
Little old woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defence Attorney: did you stop him?
Little old woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little old woman: Why, your honour, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years.
Defence Attorney: what happened next?
Little old woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just lay down and said to him, “take me, young man, take me”
Defence Attorney: did he take you?
Little old woman: Hell, no. he just yelled, “April fool!” and that’s when I shot the little bastard.